Tired, dissapointed, but..

Dear You,

I am very tired right now..
Have been dissapointed for years now..
Should think that these feelings have been inside so long but I tried to block it out..
Been trying to reach you but could not get any replies...
Are we lost in communication?
Or are you simply not answering?
I needed to know back then.. I need to know even now..

Why am I still holding on to you, when I am tired?
Why am I still believing in you, when I am dissapointed?
Irony is it, saying how much I believe in you but yet..
Showing how much I am so full of myself
Showing how much I am not relying on you...

But why am I still grabbing the thread so tightly?
I should know the answer by now..
Only that my stubborn self kept disagreeing
I hold on tight...
Because even though this is a very long and dark tunnel,..
I thought I see some vainest, smallest, dot of light
In hoping to find you in the end.

I hope this time...
I will find you there..
Please, let me find you there...
That's how badly I want you.